To the man who is not going to get what you want
surgically enhanced tiny Asian girl with inflated breasts and pout
who will never desire
your greying belly flopping over uncool tweed
which you half realize when you consider
the absurdity of your haggard reflection
what you don’t envision, the harm of your penchant for fantasy
and how
you may be married but whilst you stray in your mind and locked bathroom
you are only half inhabiting the woman who promised
for better or worse
it is she who really wanted you
the one you now, judge with diffidence and boredom
while you build a private world for what you can never have
if you had money you could possess
but it still wouldn’t be real
only you wouldn’t care a damn
so long as she let you worship
you’re not fussy about emotion
an ” exotic” is worth more than loyalty or devotion
you’d trade your wife in without hesitation for
a new model with adjustable thighs
you can stuff her where she hasn’t yet been stuffed
have your dark-eyed children bound for Harvard
mount her on your wall, the eastern trophy of your success
who cares if she used you more?
despised your flacidity and milky sour breath
did you never catch her revulsion of you?
or was that half the fun?
now you’re on the wrong side of sixty
clawing for something bigger than yourself
every Sunday you proclaim it is God
then whack off in the bathroom thinking
of her glossy head bowed in prayer and what you’d do
given half a chance
you have lost your shame believing nobody can see the machinations of your lust
only they are visible and nothing else
not even the veal of your fatty heart
and she who would be your prize would laugh
chooses a younger man and gets a Masters in Economics
now you only have images of her to grope on-screen
hiding the stains on your underwear behind the heater
inwardly your ache becomes a boil ready to burst
infecting all that could have been good
at night, digging in disappointment
turning to your wife who opens her arms
feeling none of her love
touch you
this is the way of your modern
marriage
three to a bed
you, she and in-between
pornographic fantasy
her almond eyes and lithe legs
begging you to pierce your foundation
for playthings and illusion
the china doll
your fantasized upgrade
on faded obsessions with youth
and the grandure of coveting
empty images of passion
Excellent. Hard hitting and pointed in its accuracy. Well crafted.
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Dear Chris thank you so much my friend!
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Wow! Powerful, and sadly honest (as least where ex husbands are concerned, lol.)
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Thank you! I’m afraid it can be! Thanks again so much xo
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Excellent I love it so truthful and perceptive xxx
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Thank you so much!
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Powerful…wish I had read this years ago and quoted it to a certain someone.
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😉 that made me smile (but I know at the time it probably was far from being funny!) thank you my friend
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😀
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Excellent writing Candice. You manage to convey so much, more than many a novel!
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Thank you very much Mark♡
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what you don’t envision, the harm of your penchant for fantasy
and how
you may be married but whilst you stray in your mind and locked bathroom
you are only half inhabiting the woman who promised
for better or worse
it is she who really wanted you
That part embarrassed me. I have stopped watching porn in the bathroom as part of my new aspiration to be honest. I wouldn’t want to tell anyone I do it so instead of telling anyone I just won’t do it. But after reading your poem I can see how damaging it can be to a real relationship.
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♡ I admire you very much for being honest♡
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This is crazy. Well written though.
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Haha! Thank you!!!!♡
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