The scythe told me
Your depression is a choice and a weakness
If you are a writer there are no excuses only
Discipline
The scythe is a girl who has long been a cruel woman
She judges me worse than I judge myself
Her reason lies in anger
Not the rumpled clothes sort
The burning brand of not getting what she feels entitled to
And that is me
I have told her
But she holds me close and afar and plays me with her passive aggression
I am not able to exit the game
Though it exhausts me and is
A sharp tasting whip
Sometimes it feels like
She captains my life and I am a boat
Continually drowned by stormy seas
People would say
It’s easy … just break the chains
Walk away
Tell her to go hang
Lose my number
Go fuck yourself
But I can’t do it
I have a matchbook heart
Strike me once
And I’m in it for the long haul
The perfect patsy
A groveling bullseye
It only reinforces a sense of self hate
Which she stirs with bolognese
Sadists are usually unaware
Of how much they practice their art
In every card game
She pinches, pushes and pulls
I am a lopsided puppet
The times I tried to
Go it alone
Ended badly
Sometimes the Devil
Is the only hand in the dark
And not many of us are brave enough to release all toes
Fall away without harness
Especially when it takes most of what we possess
Just to survive
So she has my life in her rubber bands
Every day she yanks me to my knees
With the nostalgic ejubulence of a professional killer
It is I fear
A form of savage dance
And only one of us will survive
Sometimes I catch myself wishing
She’ll go first
Don’t ever dare to think such things! 😮
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Sometimes, for certain pieces of writing, there are no words. This is one such time.
Peace.
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So much beauty here. Especially this:
I have a matchbook heart
Strike me once
And I’m in it for the long haul
You and I are kindred flames, Warrioress. I understand this language.
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E, after reading your book I know you are right, we are. We see how ‘real’ eternal devoted fire is what we want but is almost impossible to get, because how many people really go ‘that’ far in terms of their heart? I kept thinking that very thing as I read your book. I can’t wait to get copies because I’m going to be sending quite a few out to people I know will love it.
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You amaze me mire and more candy girl
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