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Cheeldren

Babe,

Eh Christ I’m typing through cat slobber on this keyboard in the room where I keep one of my cats that attacks the other cat and I was going to get to work but I had to pet the cat for fifteen minutes and still he’s not satisfied and trying to bite my knuckles and shit like that. I remember when I said people get pets because they don’t wonder where you’ve been when you come home late at night or at least they don’t ask you and some people take it a step further and get a child so that they have someone to love them but since neither the pet nor the child asked to be created they don’t owe you shit. I was wrong twice because the cats cost me far more than they give and the boy gives me more than he costs.

Right paralyzed is a good word for it. They are more a part of you than your own arms and legs put together. I have nothing to say about the things I used to have things to say about. LSD and children both show you how trivial is the question ‘what is the meaning of life?’ but the kid doesn’t go away after 12 hours. And apart from philosophy, anger takes energy I can no longer afford

Are you going to stay in the south for a while? Seems more pleasant. Living in the country is much more pleasant than living in the city for me. My mother asked me ‘do you wonder why you ever lived in the city?’ and of course I don’t. With no frame of reference heaven and hell are the same place. Besides that, lifting spiritual weights is easier when you live in a gym. I’ve done my time for now.

-G

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REEE

Babe,

Ok I’m beginning to understand your running now. I suppose it’s smart to remember that we are not disembodied intellects.

I enjoyed pretending to run by reading your last message, but say what are Alice’s dog-pants?

I’ve never had a TV, but when I made the move to the country my relatives warmed the house with black mirrors and now when my wife tries to turn on Netflix the damn TV defaults to the news first. So I always hear a little cacophony to use your word and it’s always about Trump anyway. I claim as much of these politics as I claim of my whiteness. Hell only has 9 circles.

Now that I have a son, the place where thoughts come from sends me dreams about the future. The place where thoughts come sends me hopelessness enough to quell those dreams. Today if my son and I don’t die in a car accident or some other common occurrence, we’ll sand rust off of my dead grandfather’s old model train without PPE and give the kid tetanus or tuberculosis and we’ll listen to Bach and Fela and God willing we’ll sleep like the dead all night.

Enjoy the run. I hope your family is well.

-G

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re: Email

Babe,

You’re still running?

We with back yards or apartments may be happy to pay the price that the wild extracts. Maybe like how we might be willing to pay 6 USD for a coffee in Brooklyn. The same coffee could cost a dollar in Mississippi or cost a season’s work in Ethiopia.

Do you think you will finish your book? Bookstores are exactly what you describe. I guess you have to write for your own evolution and not for the store. I don’t know. There’s a reason no one’s asked me what they should write for.

Since I last heard from you I’ve done very little other than spend or earn money. I paid someone 200 USD to clean my car today. It was nice. I wonder what else people will clean for money. I asked a priest but didn’t get a straight answer

Send me the manuscript before you destroy it or bury it, if you do. Otherwise send a link.

-G

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fiction

Worship

I found her on the bed in what appeared to be my house.

I said, “What are you thinking about?”

She said, “Why don’t you ever buy new sheets?”

I would chase her around a conversation, but she never thought of me.

It turned out everyone lived in that same house.

I thought of her as a goddess, and believed that if the whole world worshipped her I wouldn’t mind.

In the end, it wasn’t even my bed.

And I did mind.

And it didn’t matter about it not being my bed. I was in trouble all the same.

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fiction

How Did You Sleep?

There’s a car down the street with a guy in it been there a long time. Guy been in there a long time, long as the car, far as I know, I didn’t check on him every hour.

Wife said she’d be home by three. I said you’ll be home late and she laughed about that and didn’t say anything else and we had some bread and cheese.

I been asleep since then, had a dream about that man in the car and he came over and terrorized my wife. I was angry and I told him to hit the road. Hit the road, I told him, just like that and he laughed and sang a song about well I can’t remember.

Me I wasn’t even scared of him in the dream but my wife was screaming about it and throwing things at him. She picked dumb things to throw at him. She threw a glass jar of sugar at him and spread all over the floor, the floor was all sticky and dangerous.

Been there a long time, that car with the sleeping man, though and if you ask me the man in there is dead. I walked by yesterday afternoon, was buying a bag of coffee because my wife said we needed to save money and stop going out for coffee all the time and I said to hell with that I’d rather die what was the point of working if you couldn’t even afford to go out for coffee but she was listening to some program on the radio about financial what’s-it and anyways the man in there looked dead and cold.

I figured they’d move the car, some tow truck would come or something, I don’t know, police or put a boot on that car at least but you know maybe if the guy is in there it’s ok to park for that long. But I wonder if anyone else is noticing how long that guy has been in there and if he’s not getting in and out and if after all he’s dead. My wife said to stop worrying about it said she didn’t even see that car there earlier, and anyway she said the guy was breathing and I said to her how can you tell? She said she saw him breathing but she wasn’t looking at him she was checking her email or her instagram I don’t know.

Sometime I feel bad in the afternoon and anyway every morning I don’t know what to say over breakfast. We usually eat different things. I don’t eat anything usually just drink some water and clear my throat a lot. Not that I don’t like silence.

I think that man knew he was going to die and he just pulled there in front of that dollar store. Probably thought someone would help him or I don’t know, probably not. Anyway I was thinking about calling the police but what would I say. My wife said that was a stupid idea. She’s right, anyway, I’m not any good in those situations.

If I could do anything I would help that guy, sure. But I guess I’ll be eating breakfast alone soon enough, too, and maybe whenever he’s gone from there if he goes maybe when I go to the dollar store once in a while I’ll think of him.

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