If life is a series of tests
I ran one of my own tonight
As it grew dark I did not turn on the lights
In the dim outline I spoke to my ghosts
Especially you
I saw your face as it was
When I was consumed
Shadows passing like aching flamenco
Such a long time has passed
As if someone forgot to mention it was a joke
Cards written and never sent, collecting dust
Only a year went by, yet I remember all of it if I try
Watching our memories spool like wet silk, I no longer
Feel that sharp pinch in my chest
Now, when I think of your face
It doesn’t make me feel any pull of breath
Given a choice I wouldn’t do it over again
Then I turn away
Someone else fills me like an empty vase thick with flowers
Someone who crept up, month by month
Until I felt again, a feeling I’d given up
She may leave me in this dark room
With my vision touching braille among shadows
Or she may risk stepping out into light
See in my eyes
Something she’s been running from
For such a long time
When we push people away, sometimes
It’s because we want them so much
The fear of being hurt causes us to run
I have no power, can only believe as I always have
Should we find such longing, there is only one true course
Throw hesitations stranglehold aside
Take her hand, look into her clear eyes
Pray that she sees
What you feel
