prosetry

Proclivity

Let’s perform this procedure and run these tests and hopefully then be done with this. Oh yes, and your heart can go on beating. That’s what the cardiologist said in a dream I had in August, not in real life, but it was nevertheless a relief, albeit late.

Camus, in real life, said “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” I should’ve asked the doctor about the possible side effects of semantics on one’s physiognomy. But one rarely reasons in dreams.

It’s a good thing I’ve gone from documenting my brain patterns and emotions like so much abstract-realist reportage to actually simply merely finally really trying to tell stories, without so much cognitive noise going on. A good thing indeed.

Who else can I appeal to? Well, Ali Smith said novels are about sequence and short stories are about all that’s unsaid. “There is structure, but you know that there’s life somewhere in it, around it, free from it.” Saying without saying, living without looking. Albert, Ali, and expressionism, with an abstract look on its face.

If I had a writing teacher instead of a cardiologist he(?) might applaud that sentence. But one night in September, awake, I realized that no longer does my apparent fate seem to hang in each sentence’s balance, and no longer do I desperately hurl “my” words against the confines of presence and circumstance. They’re just structure for the story of life somewhere in it, around it, free from it, happy and living.

I close my eyes and sit on the edge of the bed and see thoughts as a tangled pile of string needing to be unraveled and pulled taught and I enjoy that double entendre without thinking myself clever. I can’t find any ends, which might just be how thoughts do, and my heart goes on beating.

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life, poetry, prosetry

Take you in

After the fight

ear buds wet with wax

blood mixed with water

hair in torn bouquet

or nothing

no knife

no marks on her neck

the wound

is sleeping

undisturbed

sitting opposite chaos and destruction

wanting to climb into bed

and absorb

all the regret

two people

in their unspoken fists

will gather

like long reedbed lavender

proud like swept hands

point to sky

I’m a breakable cause

came by way of love

and a brush tip of blood

crossing ochre cloud

with seeking hawk

neither of us imprint

this room

curled against each other

in fitful disorder

and the soft sound of wind

leaching through window pane

sounds like our whispers

of why and when and wherefore

you within myself

I within your consolation

no more noise just

stillness

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