We’re not calling them ‘scars’ anymore. They are
a memorial to my many misadventures,
a memento of misguided madness,
a souvenir of suicidal slumbers,
a relic from rock bottom:
a shrine to survival.
Tag Archives: Survival
What I should have said then
What I should have said then
when I couldn’t say anything
somehow my tongue
too tired from kneeling beneath
as you showered in your glory
built myself into silence
slap by slap, brick, mortar, spit
learned by being told
what is the purpose of YOUR voice?
what worth do YOU possess?
Imprint by the imprisonment of conflation
you dictate your terms
do it because it will please me
do it because I tell you to
opening up places thought involate
for your greed of sin, my loss of self
one night you said
that’s why they called you Candy
you are my favorite sweet in the box
sticky like melting toffee
now get on all fours
and my obedience became my shame
wondering
what really stopped me bolting from stable door?
the lock? the key? the strange way disapproval becomes yoke?
what I should have said then
no
I’m not interested in violation
debasement
being your sex toy, staring in cheap reenactment
spreading myself like jam for your ugly glory
I’m not the girl you thought I was
acquiescent
silenced by faulty beliefs
incapable of much
too young to know better
grown in the dark without succor
I’m a fire bird
touch me and you will burn
what I should have said then
make your own porn
fill your own holes
blow up some rubber, get it on with yourself
but not with me
I’m not made in Japan, pink and plastic
I’m not a girl in knee highs, ready to blow and suck
I’m a woman
almost
and you
you’re just a pimple faced boy
who thinks too much of himself
wanking in the afternoon to full lipped songs
what I should have done then
is walk backwards
down the street of my fate
hand on my stomach
fingers in my mouth
hair over my eyes
not watching endings or beginnings
until I walked past the moment
we ever met
and kept walking back
toward the sun rising in the east